The Chubby Chaste Island, aka Virgin Gorda, BVI

My business partner stoutly refuses to let any opportunity slip by without contorting the most innocently dropped term or phrase into some sort of twisted pun.  His wife, with the obligatory spousal roll of the eyes heavenward, loves to remind him that puns are the lowest form of humor.  I must warn those of you with the same affliction — and full disclosure compels me to admit that I too love to torture the language in similar fashion — are going to have to bite your tongues more that once when reading this post.  You will understand why very shortly.

Virgin Gorda, BVIThe name of the incredible isle (see list of categories on the right side of the home page) I have chosen to feature today is Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands.  The name, which means “fat virgin” in Spanish, is derived from the fact that Virgin Gorda, BVIthe  “island’s profile on the horizon looks like a fat woman lying on her side.”  (OK, behave now.  I told you this was going to test your restraint.)  Honestly, I am not seeing the fat virgin myself but then I flunked college psychology because every Rorschach image they showed me looked like a Hostess Twinkie dipped in melted chocolate.

Virgin Gorda is the third largest and second most populous of the British Virgin Islands.  One of theBitter End Yacht Club in Virgin Gorda chief delights of the island is its numerous yacht clubs.  I too would belong to a yacht club were it not for the unfortunate fact that I don’t actual own a yacht.  I know, it seems grossly unfair to me too!

This is a picture of the Bitter End Yacht Club.  (Your second opportunity to curb your not so punny instincts.  Oops, there I go!)  This is but one of several yacht clubs on the islands.   Perhaps one of the most popular aspects of the island is an unusual formation known as “The Baths”.  The BVI tourism site describes the area as “a geological wonder comprised of awe-inspiring granite boulders, which form sheltered sea pools on the beach’s edge.”  Their site has a fascinating description of the geological process that produced this phenomenon.

Rosewood Little Dix Bay

I am just going to pause here and let you get every bad wisecrack, gag and chestnut (don’t even go there!) out of your system. . . . .  Just thought of another one? . . . . Are you done?  Okay, may I now please tell you about a truly amazing resort?  Thank you!

Rosewood Virgin GoradAll kidding aside, something I seldom set aside, this is one of the world’s great resorts in one of the world’s most breathtaking settings.  It is situated along a crescent-shaped white sand beach in the midst of lush mountain foliage. If you get totally bored on your stretch of pristine beach (poor baby), just hop on a complimentary water taxi and motor off to any of seven other beaches.

If you love fine dining (do I really need to ask?), you will quickly decide you have landed in the middle of paradise.  The Sugar Mill is set in an open air stone mill nestled along the beach.  Every table has a sweeping view of the bay with nothing to obstruct either the sound of the gently lapping water or the caress of the lightly dancing ocean breeze.

Rosewood Virgin Gorda

You may recall my mentioning our friends at Island Destinations.  Well, by a very fortunate  . . .and of course completely random . . . confluence of circumstances, they just happen to have a most amazing offer of a guaranteed upgrade at time of booking, $100 Spa service credit + $150 Dinner credit.  No, I am not stuttering.  Yes, all three.  Reach out to me and I will tell you about some other cool items such as included breakfast and airport greeting.  Oh, and if you insist, we can also chat about the price although that seems so very gauche.

Rosewood San Miguel: A Jewel Perfectly Set

A heartfelt confession always makes a good beginning.  Here is mine. My knowledge of gemstones and fine jewelry ranks right up there with my familiarity with the finer points of cold fusion, which is to say, it’s within a gnat’s breath of being nonexistent.    But even someone as gauche and unsophisticated as your humble blogger knows this much:  choosing the proper setting for a stone is crucial to the design of all fine jewelry.  This observation brings me to the third precious stone in the incomparable Rosewood Mexico tiara.  (If you are a new arrival to this space, it might bore you, oops, I meant to say behoove you to take a moment and read the two previous posts.  Otherwise, the poll at the end might prove a bit challenging!)

To ask which resort among the three is preeminent is a little like asking, “Which is moreRosewood San Miguel de Allend important, breathing in or breathing out?”.   A rather tough choice I think we all agree.  All three properties are magnificent and project their own matchless radiance.  Were I forced to choose among them under threat of having to spend eternity in a dingy one-star hotel with neither a spa nor room service (I suddenly feel a cold shiver running down my spine), I suppose I would have to choose the Rosewood in San Miguel de Allende.  The reason relates to my opening paragraph, i.e., the setting.

For those not familiar with San Miguel de Allende, a veritable mecca for the mentally fatigued, you have no idea what you are missing.  To fully grasp just how impoverished  your life has been . . . a life which you had hitherto naively assumed was rich and meaningful . . . ,  I am afraid you will just have to keep reading this blog.   The reason being, in the not too distant future I intend to draw upon my highly underrated and, as yet, cruelly unrewarded writing prowess to paint a Monet-esque picture of  this magical place.   I know, your heart is all a pitter.  Patience, dear reader. Coming soon.

Meanwhile,  you must content yourself with a description of the resort itself.  Naturally, you are going to want to spend a great deal of your time exploring this “enchanting artists’ village nestled in the mountains north of Mexico City”.  All the more so, I’m sure, after you read my upcoming post.

1826 Restaurant in the Rosewood Resort in San Miguel de Allende

1826 Restaurant

Yet it would be a huge mistake not to carve out significant time during your stay to absorb the atmosphere of the resort’s many charming venues.   The “fine” in fine dining begins with the ambiance when you enter a restaurant.  The 1826 Restaurant is bathed in old world elegance.  The name of both the restaurant and the bar across the hall commemorates the year the town adopted the name of San Miguel de Allende in honor of Ignacio de Allende, the hero of Mexican independence.  The restaurant features an open artisan kitchen and offers the choice of dining indoors or al fresco on the patio amid the vibrant gardens. Another incredible dining option is the Luna Rooftop Tapas Bar.   As a regular reader, you have likely noticed my palpable love of both lowbrow Rosewood San Miguel's Luna Rooftop Tapas Barhumor and tortured puns and therefore might be bracing yourself for me to make a crude play on the bar’s name.  I shall surprise both you and me by letting the opportunity pass without comment.   Goodness, I suddenly feel abnormally mature.

The climate of San Miguel is very temperate year round which lends itself to spending countless hours on the Luna Rooftop.  You will find it the ideal setting for gazing out across the sprawling village below and thinking fondly about your smug brother-in-law back home, the one who warned you against  going to Mexico, grilling bratwurst in his backyard surrounded by his little screeching, sawed-off savages while navigating nasty love notes delivered indiscriminately around the yard by the family dog.

Ah, life is good at the Rosewood!