Last post, you may recall, we took a little stroll hand-in-hand down memory lane. OK, admittedly the lane in question was more of a private footpath littered with my tattered dreams of publishing stardom but, alas, such is often the fate of us literati. It should all be coming back to you by now provided you haven’t metaphorically washed your mind out with soap since your previous read.
At any rate, I wrote about the indispensable travel guide and collector’s item penned by my brother and me called, “Never Say ‘Hi, Jack’ In An Airport”. I will spare you a repeat of the sub-title. I thought this post I would share with you some of the rarer nuggets which were mined by readers with the patience to discard buckets of fools gold along the way.
The chapter on health, fitting titled “The Foreign Lesion (How To Stay Healthy When You Travel)”, opened this way. “If it’s true that most accidents occur in the home (and it must be because no less a source than the universally acknowledged authority figure known around the world simply as ‘they’ say it’s true, then the best possible way to stay fit, healthy and safe is to travel at least 350 days a year. But fairness (and the looming prospect of a class action lawsuit) compels us to admit that travel can present its own special threats to one’s physical well-being.” This was followed by such sage airplane advice as “To compensate for the lack of moisture in the air, drink lots of water – – up to eight ounces an hour. (You might want to request an aisle seat because you will be making more trips down the aisle than Elizabeth Taylor.”
Then there was the chapter dealing with money called “A Pound Of Franc Advice (Money Matters When You Travel)”. That little play on words was a lot funnier before the introduction of the Euro, I must say. This section answered such burning questions as “Where is the best place to change dollars into a foreign currency (excluding a magician’s convention)?”. Lest you think this work of art contained no serious travel guidance, this chapter offered up all sorts of practical advice about the use of credit cards, how to get the best exchange rate, and other practical tips all of which are grossly outdated twenty years later.
Another somewhat anachronistic chapter title was “Max Legroom (Ideas For Maximizing Comfort In The Air)“. For those not glued to their TV sets in the late 1980’s, this was a take-off on “Max Headroom“, a British produced American science fiction program featuring the world’s first computer generated TV host. The strange thing was that the character was actually not computer generated at all but an actual actor in makeup because such a feat outstripped the technology of the time.
I think the time has come to let our modest little tome recede into the annals of literary history. Thank you for indulging me this little stroll. It might be presumptuous to hope it produced a guffaw or even a chuckle, but at this point, I would consider merely a wry smile not a total loss.
If you enjoy this blog, I would appreciate a follow (see button below), a forward and a frank comment (not too frank as my psyche is quite fragile). If not so much, would you mind keeping that just between us? In either case, thanks for the visit and travel safe!