In the mid-nineties, my brother and I must have found ourselves with considerably too much time on our hands because we decided on a whim to co-author a travel book. The progeny of the mating of our two warped minds was called (and still is I suppose), “Never Say ‘Hi Jack’ in an Airport: and 101 Other Life-Saving Travel Tips”. The fact that we conceived this title well before 9-11, the era of enhanced, if not intrusive, airport security and the age of humorless TSA bureaucrats shows just how prescient the Denton clan has always been.
Sadly, the book is out of print and the extremely modest royalties long since wasted in profligate spending (in the case of my brother, of course.) Since there has now arisen an entire generation who never had the dubious privilege of owning a copy, I thought for the next couple of blogs I would share a few pearls of wisdom from said literary masterpiece. The work was intended to be a series of humorous travel tips with an occasional sprinkling of sane advice for readers with a more somber bent. Whether we succeeded in either regard, I will leave you, the amateur critic, to decide.
Amazingly, the book is available all over the internet and in cobweb infested used books shops across the land. That so many of our dear readers were forced to relinquish these keepsakes for such a pitance (the average going price seems to be between eighty-five cents and a buck-twenty) only dramatizes the cruelty of the current recession. After you have already sold all your family heirloons, priceless jewelry and gold fillings, what else can you do?
Strangely, as I recall, the thing that garnered the most attention were the chapter titles. I have no idea why. They strike me as pretty straightforward. I even checked with my brother and he agrees. Here is a sampling:
Auto Suggestions (Don’t Let Car Rentals Drive You To Drink)
A Room With A Loo (Check Out Your Hotel Before You Check In)
Loco Motives (Not-So-Crazy Reasons To Take The Train)
Ship Happens (Hints For A Happier Cruise)
Kilroy Schlepped Here (Sightseeing On A Shoestring)
Now that I no doubt have your rapt attention, stay tuned for another installment of equally priceless gems coming soon to a blog near you! As a closing aside, if any book publishers out there accidently stumble across this blog and see potential for a reprisal, give me a shout.