The Crystal Mozart: Heaven (By Way Of Hell)

OK, before you accuse me of crafting a title strictly based on its click bait rating, at least give me a chance to explain myself.  This will involve a brief stroll through a personal hell (although for those of us who lived it, it was anything but brief) before we can turn our attention to the celestial portion of this post.

On December 4, 2018 I was on a Carnival cruise when I got a text from my son-in-law that my wife Teresa had been taken to the hospital by ambulance with what they feared was a heart attack.  That shocking message was followed fairly shortly with the update that there was good news, it was not a heart attack but only gall bladder stones.  While I was feverishly Googling gall bladder surgery (relatively routine, couple of days in the hospital, etc. and feeling very much relieved), the doctor called me mid-surgery to inform me that the stones had moved into the common bile duct and he needed my permission to remove them.  Naturally, I agreed.   Never have I made a more momentous decision with less forethought and more dire consequence.

In the process of removing the stones, the surgeon nicked the pancreas and thereby caused what proved to be the onset of severe pancreatitis.   Teresa spent the next 139 days in either the hospital or rehab with multiple trips to both.  During the entire duration she suffered from severe nausea and pain.  I will spare you the details . . . to be honest, more out of consideration of my psyche than yours.  Some very ugly memories are tucked away in the recesses of my grey matter that I am none to eager to disturb.

I will share one little window into the ordeal because it directly relates to our sojourn from “the outhouse to the penthouse”.   During some of those truly dark days when Teresa was loosing all hope that she would ever feel better (and honestly, my faith was wavering a bit), I would make her talk about the next great vacation we would take and all the cool things we would do and see and experience.

Finally, on Easter Sunday (rather apropos, I agree), she came home to stay.  She arrived home to a hospital bed set up in the spare bedroom, a wheelchair, and full daytime care.  She was so debilitated at first she could not even get out of bed.  She very slowly progressed to sitting in a wheelchair, to walking with a walker, eventually a cane and now mostly unaided.

Somewhere in the midst of this progression, a realization struck me with the force of a thunderbolt.  I had spent months in the hospital elevating her spirits by dangling an amazing vacation in front of her.   You know where I am going with this, right?  It dawned on me that I had a dug myself a very deep hole that would require some serious shoveling to escape.

This is where the story finally takes a turn for the better.  It’s about time, you are probably thinking.   Sorry for the slow slog though our misery but at least there is a happy, if not ending, middle.  We still have a few challenges to overcome on the medical front.

As those of you know who (out of sheer boredom, I assume), follow this blog, I am not just an avid traveler but a participant in the travel business.  Over the years we have catered to every taste and budget.  This has afforded me familiarity with the good, the bad and the uninhabitable.   It didn’t take long before the options narrowed down to the one cruise line that has an unassailable reputation as the crème de la crème.   If you didn’t notice the name emblazoned across the bow of the river ship above, I am, of course, referring to Crystal Cruises.

In a couple of subsequent blogs, I am going to carry you along on our journey from Vienna to Budapest, with some magical stops along the way.  Before we set sail, however, let me regale you with a few of the reasons the choice was so self-evident.

Crystal Put the Lux In Luxury

Imagine (not that you have to, of course) one brand that has risen to the pinnacle of success in luxury travel regardless of whether you are dreaming of ocean, river, yacht, expedition or air travel.   In just thirty short years, Crystal Cruises has staked out a claim as the “World’s Most Awarded Luxury Cruise Line”.

The only way to reach such lofty heights is to have an unrelenting and unmatched focus on a superior standard of excellence.  Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, famously bragged that as owner and general manager he was in charge of everything from jocks to socks.  Well, as I found out, Crystal Cruises is the master of everything from turn downs to toilets.   Here is a somewhat humorous  illustration of what I mean.   Do you know what you are looking at below?

This is the front and the back of the most sophisticated toilet remote control I have ever seen.  Which is not surprising as it is the only toilet remote control I have ever seen. With this little jewel you can adjust the water level, the temperature, pressure and width of the seat, you can set the seat to oscillating or pulsating (not an easy choice) and even program settings for two different users.  You can set the back of the seat to automatically rise when you approach the toilet.

OK,  admittedly I have never given much thought to my tush temperature (other than that one time on a boy scout camp out when a visit to the latrine put me in mortal fear of frost bite of my entire nether regions) but when getting out of bed on a cold night, having a warm repose is not all bad.  I guess my point would be, if Crystal Cruises devotes that much attention to bathroom niceties, just think how much attention they give to all the other components of a great experience.

As you will see, when you return for the next installment (I am the eternal optimist), I clearly made the perfect choice.   If you have any trouble finding your way back here, just reach out to my port side butler, not to be confused with my ship side butler.  I know, that sounds decadent . . . but in a very nice way!   See you back here soon!

Havana, Cuba: City of Contrasts

Until recently, I shared a personal trait with the majority of Americans.   I am not referring to my comical fantasy about winning the lottery.  (Unfortunately, I still cling to that pathetic delusion.)  Rather, I am talking about the fact that I had never been to Cuba but had always wanted to.

Like so many others, I wanted to visit Cuba before the American invasion that will inevitably occur if all barriers to access are ever removed.   When I was invited to participate in a Travel Leaders Owners’ Cruise that included a stop in Cuba, I leaped at the chance.  As it turned out, we were only in Cuba one full day and late into the evening.  I can claim to no longer be a Cuba virgin but hardly a Cuba Casanova, so take my limited  observations with a chaser of Cuban rum.

Keep in mind I was part of a group sharing an itinerary.  The day and evening we spent there can be divided into three parts:  a morning walking tour, an afternoon coach ride to Finca Vigia, Ernest Hemingway’s farm (among other stops) and a dinner at the famous Havana restaurant Paladar San Cristobal.  So I invite you to don your Guajiro straw fedora and Guayabera shirt or your Bata Cubana dress, as you prefer, and join me for a whirlwind Rumba down the backstreets of Havana.

The Morning Walking Tour

When I say, as I do in my title, that Havana is a city of contrasts I mean that both internally and externally.  The first contrast with the US that practically runs you over (and will if you are not exceedingly carefully when crossing the streets), is the ubiquitous nature of the 1950’s cars.  From the moment you exit the cruise port and customs hall and cross the street to the Plaza of San Francisco, the first thing you notice is all the vintage automobiles zipping about.  Not all are as well maintained as this one but for someone who remembers the 50’s (as recounted to me by my Grandfather, or course), the wave of nostalgia was palpable.

As you might imagine, a country as poor as Cuba forces the populace to capitalize (note the irony) on the tourists in any way possible.  The expectation of tips is not exactly subtle from the street performers of various stripes to the attendants outside every toilet.  If you merely glance, you may be forgiven.  If you pause, however, to appreciate or certainly to snap a picture, it is is expected that your free hand will be reaching for a small gratuity.   In pointing this out, I am not acting as a critic, simply a chronicler.

 

As we wended our way through the narrow streets, an internal contrast emerged between a few relatively well maintained edifices (mostly of government, historical or touristic importance) and the majority of buildings in various degrees of disrepair, if not more accurately, dilapidation.

Without a doubt, my three favorite stops along the way were the Hotel Ambos Mundos where Ernest Hemingway famously occupied a room on the 5th floor, a nameless sidewalk cafe where the group paused for a Cuban coffee (that, parenthetically, ripped off the already paltry number of chest hairs I could previously boast) and best of all, a stop at the La Bodeguita del Mundo.

If you are conversant with Spanish you might have guessed that this bar began as a small store before it graduated to the most famous bar in Havana.

In actuality, this modest little tavern has not one, but two claims to fame (however dubious they may be).   It was the haunt of many famous people, while among them is purported to be Ernest Hemingway.  I will leave it to others to determine if the inscription inside the bar, “My mojito is La Bodeguita, my daiquiri is El Floridita” with his signature beneath is genuine or a forgery.  The same may be said for the claim that my drink of choice, the Rum and Coke or Cuba Libre, was invented here by US soldiers who cut the strong Cuban rum with Coca Cola to slow down the rush to inebriation.  Some stories are just too good to be questioned!

I am not normally one to buy souvenirs but when you run across the first car you ever owned by yourself, how can you resist.  I believe when I bought the car the color was blue but I almost immediately plopped down the $39.95 (yes, the decimal is in the right place) with Maaco (as I recall) to have the entire car painted this exact shade of yellow (unlike the two tone below).  When I turned into the school parking lot, I wanted to turn all the girls’ heads, which I accomplished.  I just didn’t realize they would be heaving at the same time.

 

As usual, I have waxed eloquent (or maybe just waxed) to the point where common decency demands I bring this little post to a merciful close.  But before you imagine you have escaped my Cuba musings permanently, think again.  We are just up to noon.  We haven’t even had lunch at the Gran Hotel Manzana Kempinski yet.   So tune in next time for the coach ride to Hemingway’s farm and our night on the town at San Cristobal.

If you really enjoyed this first post, you can buy me a rum and coke when we reconvene!

 

 

 

Friends In High Places

With all deference to Garth Brooks who earned multi-generational wealth singing about friends in low places (I have a few of those too), it also pays to have at least a few in high places.  When my bride informed me that for our X anniversary (insert very large, very round number of your choice here) she yearned to visit the great state of Maine, I confess I had the dazed look of a lonely slice of pizza sitting on the counter, ordered but not picked up.

Exotic foreign itineraries I can plan in my sleep . . . and often do . . . but like a lot of folks in the travel business, I am a lot less comfortable with the good old US of A.  And last time I checked, Maine was still part of the US, if just barely so, clinging by her icy fingertips just  south of something called New Brunswick, where I suppose they make all those bowling balls.

The image is a skiff sailing through heavy fog.  Either that or I forgot to wipe off the camera lens.

Somehow I managed to shake the dust off a couple of little gray cells and remembered that I had a former travel agent colleague named Steve Hewins who, along with his wife Kathy, lives in Portland (luckily the one I needed . . . the one in Maine).  In point of fact, he now runs a restaurant and inn keepers association.   So I shamelessly paraded my ignorance and asked him what is the best way to see Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine in a week.  He quite correctly pointed out that, lacking an AH-64D Apache Longbow helicopter (which you may be surprised to learn I don’t currently have in my garage), I was asking the impossible.  I rephrased the question to ask how much could I reasonably expect to see in a week.

He laid out an itinerary that began by flying to Burlington, Vermont, renting a car, driving pretty much due east (as due as you can do on winding New England roads), landing in Bar Harbor, Maine where we would be forced to make a course correction or start taking on sea water (see Bass Harbor Light House below) and working our way south down the coast to Portland, our departure city for home.   This plan turned out be a perfect confluence of lack of time and lack of money.

For those with a stomach for hearing about someone else’s vacation, I will recount the trip in sequential, and possibly excruciating, order.   Feel free to drop off and fly directly home at any point.

Whoever said getting there is half the fun obviously has never flown with inclement weather.  Both our flights to Burlington and from Portland home had their share of stress, delays and frustration.  It was all weather related so American Airlines deserves none of the blame.  They did all they could to make the experience bearable and, in fact, shortly after returning home I found a voucher for my wife and bonus AAdvantage miles for me.  Thank you AA!

When we finally arrived in Burlington, exhausted and covered in road film, we had three nice surprises in a row.  Upon check in at the Alamo car rental desk, they didn’t have the nondescript car we had booked and informed us they would just have to give us an Infinity QX30 for the week at the same price.   We graciously accepted without a fuss.  Then we arrived at the Homewood Suites which exceeded out expectations.  Finally, there was a great little Italian restaurant called Pulcinella’s directly across the street.  It is amazing how a delicious lasagna and a couple of glasses of classic Chianti can improve your outlook.   Considering at one point we were nearly certain we weren’t going to even make it to Burlington on the same day,  the 18 hour marathon ended on a quite cheery note.

The following morning, feeling well rested, we drove to the nearby quaint village of Stowe.   First stop was the Trapp Family Lodge where the Trapp Family Singers settled after escaping the Nazis in their native Austria.  If you have no idea who the von Trapps were or what I am talking about, go back and watch The Sound of Music a couple of times and, if that doesn’t work, try yodeling to clear your head.

After a delicious lunch in the Whip Bar & Grill back in Stowe, we headed back to Burlington to take a cruise on Lake Champlain whose shores touch Vermont, New York and even Quebec.  This is no modest lake in size.  It is 107 miles long and 14 miles across at its widest part.  We decided to forego a 250 mile jog around the lake and instead took one of the many tourist boats that ply those waters.

The two hour cruise offered food, an open bar and fascinating commentary about the historic significance of the lake in  Revolutionary America.  I was very impressed that the Spirit of Ethan Allen had invested in a state of the art sound system that made listening a pleasure.  Below is a picture of a small lighthouse that guards one end of the harbor.

Per Steve’s suggestion (a recurring theme during this trip), we ended our day on Church Street, a very cool pedestrian area of downtown Burlington lined with shops and restaurants.  We dined at Leunig’s Bistro and Cafe where the table arrangement invites . . .  OK requires . . .  making new friends.  Being sociable folks ourselves, we didn’t mind listening to  the life story of the waitress and the couples on either side of us even if their dreary lives were nowhere nearly as fascinating as ours.

This will have to conclude the first part of our journey but should you have the inclination, not to mention fortitude, to return to this site, you will learn all about Ben & Jerry’s (not to be confused with Tom & Jerry), the documented wildest weather anywhere in the United States and even how to roll a Lobster (which somehow sounds a trifle  prurient).   Until next time, “Live Free or Die” as we newly minted New Hampshirites like to say.

A Bit Of Bliss . . . NCL Style

A couple of weekends ago I was invited, along with 4000 or so of my closest competitors, to fly from DFW to LAX to experience a tiny, tantalizing taste (just under 40 hours to be precise) of NCL’s newest floating masterpiece, The Bliss.   It probably tells you everything you need to know about travel agents that they will blissfully (pun intended) get up at 3:30 am, fly three hours and Uber another half hour to board an inaugural cruise on a brand new ship and sail gleefully off . . . to nowhere.   Such is our devotion to new experiences, expanding our already vast library of knowledge and OK, I admit, complimentary libations.

I was permitted a guest and I brought along my grandson, Samuel Denton Walls (take note of his awesome middle name), a very recent high school graduate.  The only thing better than experiencing a beautiful new cruise ship by yourself is the delight of viewing it through the eyes of someone who has never set foot on one of these floating destinations.  Plus, Sam proved exceedingly helpful once I offered him a small stipend to be my official photographer and videographer.  The photos and video you see here are his handiwork.

So what does the NCL Bliss have to offer?  Honestly, there are way too many features to recount them all in this post but click here and then “highlights” for a full recounting of the many venues and activities.  I will focus our remaining moments on just a few of my own impressions.  Before I do, those of you who are looking at the picture above and are imagining me plummeting through one of those blue tubes extending over the side of the ship like some bulbous human torpedo, you are cursed with hyperactive imaginations.

On the other hand, should you picture me lingering in this venue instead, you would be very near the mark if not on it.  This was one of my favorite watering holes due to the fact that it is conveniently wedged between Cagney’s Steakhouse (my personal favorite specialty dining venue) and Los Lobos, in their words, “a premium Mexican restaurant celebrating traditional flavors with a modern twist.”  Unfortunately, I did not get the opportunity to visit “The Wolves” (English translation) but I tried my best to offset that omission by behaving rather like a ravenous wolf myself at Cagney’s.  Don’t be misled by my restrained demeanor in this picture to the left.  Before the flash even had time to dissipate, I was up to my elbows in Australian lamb.  Pray, what other fare would you expect from a wolf?  We don’t do tofu.

I am hardly a connoisseur of fine art (unless watching every episode so far of Genius on the life of Pablo Picasso and attendance at two recent “wine and paint” parties qualifies) but I was very impressed by the magnificent works of art liberally sprinkled around the Bliss.  That feature, among others, is treated in the video below.

One of the most unique features on the ship is the Grand Prix race track with Formula One style cars racing around the largest competitive racetrack at sea.  On one of Sam’s few respites from filming the next great Indie film to take Cannes by storm (see below), he managed to take a spin.  Not wanting to embarrass him with my own racing prowess honed over years of driving the DFW metroplex, I refrained.

I invite you to take ten minutes . . . I promise it will seem like less than half an hour . . . and watch this riveting video.  I apologize in advance for the sound quality.  No matter how rudely I shouted at the other 4000 invited guests to stop having such a boisterous good time, they treated my efforts to create a video masterpiece with what can only be charitably called disdain.  These six little vignettes will give you a flavor of additional features on the Bliss that time and space fail me to mention here.

If you are longing for the perfect ship to sail you from the shores of your mundane daily rut and into a sparkling sea of fine dining, stimulating entertainment and/or soothing relaxation (as you prefer), the NCL Bliss is the obvious choice.  Visit our website tltravelagents.com to find one of our experienced vacation travel advisors who will be only to happy to make this happen.

Who Set The Bar For The Viking Star?

For anything to have “personality”, logic dictates that a “person” must be involved somewhere.  (Sometimes I stun myself with my own profundity.  Or, some would say, I just have a born knack for stating the bleedin’ obvious.)  Either way, bear with me.  Where I am headed with this should be clear soon enough.

I just stepped off the Viking Star after sailing from New York City to San Juan, Puerto Rico.  Why that particular itinerary?  Faithful reader, do you really need to ask?  I was invited, of course. (I would sail through the Straits of Malacca during a typhoon, an outbreak of both rickets and/or scurvy plus a worldwide pirate convention if they offered free lobster and imported wine.)  I came away from that glorious experience with the distinct impression that she is a ship dripping . . . in salt water, of course . . . with buckets of personality.

Since this particular re-positioning cruise was teeming with way more travel agents than should ever be allowed to congregate in one confined space, we were graced with the presence of many Viking Cruise dignitaries even including the impressive and charmingly impish Torstein Hagen himself, the founder, chairman and CEO of Viking Cruises.

A very short way into his illuminating presentation, it struck me like a thunderbolt that, not just the ship but the entire Viking enterprise, is a reflection of his alluring personality and values.  The same should be said of his daughter Karine, whose style and touch are also seen everywhere.   Can you even imagine Apple Computers without Steve Jobs or Microsoft without Bill Gates?  Minus their respective inputs, these two enterprises would not just be radically different but likely not even exist.

Listening to Tors speak . . . I feel comfortable calling him that even though the extent of our personal relationship consists of his almost making eye contact with me seated in the twelfth row of the theater . . . I began to take mental note of the manifold ways Tors has left his imprint and imprimatur upon the new fleet of ocean-going vessels, including the Viking Star.   Let me quickly share just three examples.

Priorities From A New Perspective

I was intrigued by Tor’s take on priorities.  He pointed out that it consists not so much in selecting as eliminating.  Since time and resources are always finite, the place to begin is to decide what you are not going to include.  The Viking ocean cruise philosophy is defined as much by what is not included as what is.   Tors knows his customer down to which side of the head they part their hair.  Here are a few things you won’t find on the Viking Star and why:

•  Casino – It makes no sense for a small ship (under 1000 passengers) to try to be Vegas at Sea.   If gambling is your thing, they do stop in Monte Carlo.
•  No children under 18.  The Viking customers typically love their own grandkids, just not other people’s.
•  No charge for beer and wine at lunch and dinner.  OK, this hardly needs a staunch defense.
•  No charge for wifi.  Nor does this.
•  No charge for alternative restaurants.  We’re on a roll here.
•  No bumper cars, rock climbing walls, etc.  Tors likes to point out that his ships are not meant to be confused with amusement parks.  That’s why they are sometimes called “The Thinking Person’s Cruise.”

Posh But Not Osh (as in Ostentatious)

There are other cruise lines that specialize in the opulent.  I understand there is one where you need a hand-written letter of recommendation from your bishop just to board.  I found it interesting that Tors does not even like the word luxury.  What he does like to provide is incredible quality at prices that don’t require cashing in your 401K, or in my case, my .01K.   Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean.

•  Restaurant Philosophy – Other ships have specialty restaurants normally available for an upcharge.  Viking prefers to call them “alternative restaurants” because they are insistent that the quality of the food in the main dining room, called unsurprisingly “The Restaurant”, be on exactly the same par as the alternative restaurants.

•  The Destination is the Destination – Some of the large ships have more amusements than your average theme park.  Thus they have coined the saying that “the ship is the destination.”  The typical Viking customer is a traveler not a tourist.  G. K. Chesterton explains the distinction, ““The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.”  Viking customers board with full suitcases, open minds and wide eyes.

The Devil Is In The Details

I mentioned to someone on the cruise that I could write an entire blog post just about the bathroom.  To prove it, here at least is a section devoted to the potty.  Check out these brilliant features:

•  Heated floors in the bathroom.  When you get up during the night, no one wants to return to bed with cold tootsies!
•  Incredible shower heads, volume pressure and separate handles for volume and temperature.
•  No-fog mirrors.
•  Amenities (shampoo, conditioner and lotion) in rational quantities and readable labels.
•  In the public bathrooms, birds serenely chirping away overhead.  OK, not real ones but recordings of real ones.  They even have Norwegian accents.
•  Also in the public bathrooms, actual cloths for drying your hands and hand creme for re-moisturizing.
• In the spa locker rooms, instant swim suit dryers.  Seriously!

I bring this up just to illustrate that this meticulous attention to detail permeates the entire vessel.  I could easily build similar lists regarding the spa, dining, etc.

As we sadly leave the Caribbean Sea in our wake, I would like to close with this observation.  Booking a cruise, from the travel agent’s point of view, is a little like matchmaking.  In a marriage, the couple’s chances at future happiness are enhanced the more the groom knows about the bride and vice versa.  Matching the right person with the right cruise line has many parallels.

I can tell you from my experience of the past week that Viking builds their ocean ships based on twenty years of river ship experience.  They know their customers as well as anyone in the industry and tailor their product precisely for that customer.

My hope is, having read this blog, you will understand better whether you are that perfect Viking ocean cruise customer and are ready for one of our master matchmakers to craft you a cruise experience made in heaven.

Karisma Resorts and Their Bracelet of Charms

Perhaps, dear reader, you are not yet familiar with the string of jewels that comprise the incomparable Karisma Hotels & Resorts. That will not be the case once you have read this riveting little blog post.  You will not only be fully informed but thoroughly charmed . . . I’m sure!

The name Karisma is derived from our English word charisma and has come to mean the sort of charm that others find alluring or irresistible.   You will soon discover that the entire family of Karisma Hotels & Resorts are dripping with charm like a Cocker Spaniel caught in a summer storm dribbling puddles of water on your kitchen floor.

Above I compared this collection of resorts to a string of jewels but, exercising my writer’s prerogative, I am shifting the metaphor more appropriately to a bracelet festooned with charms.   By way of full disclosure, my objective for the next several blog posts is to inspire you, like an ingénue with her first charm bracelet,  to start your own personal collection of Karisma Hotel & Resort visits.

Let’s start with the basics, shall we?  Karisma Hotel & Resorts is a family of gourmet inclusive adults only and family friendly properties situated in Mexico’s Riviera Maya south of Cancun.  You really need to begin adding charms to your bracelet immediately (if not yesterday) since there is a new Nickelodeon in Punta Cana and there will soon be additional resorts in Puerto Vallarta and Jamaica.

I spent the past few days inspecting all nine of the Karisma properties in the Mayan Riviera.  (OK, we didn’t actually tour Hidden Beach.  They have naked people running around over there . . . seriously!)  I even graduated from Karisma Groumet Inclusive Experience University where I squeezed the entire four year bachelors program into two hours!  I even have the sheepskin to prove it.  OK, it’s actually paper but sheep are a little rare in that part of Mexico and sheep tanners even more so.

I only share this nugget with you to establish my bona fides as a Karisma expert.  (I will gladly show you my diploma but I am a tad shy when it comes to flashing my bona fides in public . . .  not that they aren’t quite respectable, mind you!).

OK, we are starting to drift a bit.  Back to the matter at hand.  Karisma Resorts is the parent company with Azul Hotels being the family friendly properties (along with the new Nickelodeon Hotels & Resorts), the El Dodados are the adults only resorts where children, if you hear them referenced at all, are usually described by the guests in muted tones as “the coming barbarians”, “street urchins” or “rug rats”.  Generations Riviera Maya is a fairly new brand for those families where every generation actually enjoys each other’s company.  The high occupancy rate never ceases to amaze me.  (Just a little travel agent humor, dear family. Hugs and Kisses!).

With so many resorts in the destination, what makes Karisma Hotels & Resorts unique?  Pretty much everything.  They are not like any other hotel chain nor do they aspire to be.  From their partnerships with Jackson Family Wines, Canadian Beef, My Gym, and Nickelodeon to their pioneering transformation of all-inclusive into Gourmet Inclusive to artificial reefs and over water bungalows, they are setting the standard for the entire destination.

There remains barely enough time in this post for a listing of the Karisma properties located in the Mayan Riviera.  For a complete list of all the Karisma Hotels & Resorts brands and properties click here.

Azul Beach Hotel

Azul Fives Hotel

Azul Sensatori Hotel Mexico

El Dorado Maroma

El Dorado Royale

El Dorado Casistas Royale

El Dorado Seaside Suites

Generations Riviera Maya

Hidden Beach (You’re on your own here.  I am not allowed to speak about this place, much less visit.  I had to wear blinders when we drove by.)

I know this has only whetted your appetite.  Don’t worry, when you come back (you will be back, right?) there will be oodles of great information delivered in the same soaring prose you have come to expect from this blog.

So if you want to learn about Palafitos (not to be confused with Piles of Fritos) where you are able to watch fish swim by without getting out of bed, which resort has one of the  top ten beaches in the world and where you can consume 23 courses at one sitting (more if your dining mates are not as adventurous as you), come back soon.

Secrets Akumal Makes Sweet Sixteen . . . And Counting

If you slavishly follow this blog . . .  as all the glitterati do, or course . . .  you will know that it is hardly a secret that I love Secrets Resorts brought to you by the friendly folks at AMResorts.  By my last count, there are now sixteen Secrets Resorts in five destinations (Mexico, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, Costa Rica and Panama) with more to come very soon.   I have stayed at several of these properties and written blog posts about my experience which you can read here.  Thus you will understand why my heart went all “a twitter” (as we were wont to say long before the advent of the social media site of the same name) when I realized I would be visiting Secrets Akumal.

Secrets Akumal is located in . . . well . . .  Akumal (a Mayan word meaning “place of the turtle”).   If that doesn’t seem all that helpful let’s start with Mexico (think south), then Riviera Maya (think south of Cancun) and then Akumal Bay and Half Moon Bay (think so far south you’re almost in Belize).  Before you are off put by the one hour ride from the airport, read this post and you will quickly decide this is a clear-cut case where the difference is worth the distance!

Let’s start with the beach for you sand and sun worshipers out there.  Gaze at the picture above.  This property offers silky soft sand, a gently sloping shoreline and silvery aqua waters.  Although I am not one to spend long hours on the beach,  I offer this picture below as proof that even the most extreme”type A” personalities can chill out at this property.   I only hope you can draw your eyes away from these two perfectly formed feet long enough to appreciate the scene.   What can I say?  Nature was kind to me.

But the beach itself wasn’t even the best part.  For free mind you, you can check out snorkeling gear, paddle out fifty yards or so and swim with sea turtles the size of my first Volkswagen.  OK, maybe I exaggerate slightly but, as Jimmy Fallon doing Donald Trump would say, they are “Huge, Huge, Huge.”   

Leave it to yours truly, however, to transform a simple exercise into a major fiasco.  When you have perfectly formed feet as I do (I think we have already established that point) it is not easy to find fins that fit properly.  Especially if you don’t notice when you don them that they can be tightened on both sides.  In full snorkeling regalia, I paddled serenely out from shore almost reaching the desired viewing spot when one of my fins slipped off.  Fortunately, the water being crystal clear, I could see it swaying gently on the sea floor.  However, when you are wearing a full life vest, trust me, you might as well be a fishing cork attempting to dive for pearls.

I quickly realized I would have to take off my life vest to have any hope of retrieving my fin. I was driven by the near certainty that the snorkel shack would demand a king’s ransom if I returned sans one fin.  Pulling my arms out from the vest while bobbing like the aforementioned cork proved a lot more challenging than you might think.  I finally extricated one of my arms from the arm hole.  Holding on to the vest with one hand, I was barely able, after the third or fourth attempt,  to reach just low enough to snag the offending fin (pun intended).  By the time I replaced the fin and managed to reapply the life jacket, I had swallowed a pint of sea water, was spewing bilge like a beluga whale clearing its air spout not to mention breathing so heavily I thought I was going to pass out.

I think my grown daughter, who observed the entire proceedings from a few feet away, thought she was going to have to notify her mother that I was tragically lost at sea in the normally benign act of viewing sea turtles.

Enough about my little misadventure.  Let’s return to the centerpiece of this post, the incomparable Secrets Akumal.  Here are three things I particularly enjoyed during my stay.

The World Class Secrets Spa by Pevonia 

When you book a spa treatment at Secrets, in essence you get two great experiences for the price of one.  As much as I enjoyed my 50 minute message, I found the visit to the Hydrotherapy Circuit every bit as pleasurable.  I took the snapshot below with the intention of showing you the various features of this amazing pool, when this young lady insinuated herself into the picture.  If there is one thing I hate, it is having a picture photo bombed by some attractive twenty something.  I paddled over to give her a piece of my mind only to have her reply that I shouldn’t bother, I really couldn’t spare it.   Do you believe that?  (Hopefully, only my most gullible readers will.)

Bordeaux, the French Cuisine Restaurant

If you have never been to a Secrets Resort, banish all thoughts of one long buffet line after another.  That may have described the early all-inclusives from decades ago but nothing could be farther from today’s reality.  If you are only staying a few days, you most difficult decision is going to be deciding whether to dine at El Patio (Mexican cuisine), Himitsu (Pan-Asian cuisine), Portofino (Italian cuisine), Oceana (fresh seafood) or my personal favorite Bordeaux (French cuisine).  I have a solution.  Book seven nights and you can throw in room service and a romantic dinner for two on the beach.

Coco Café

In my previous blog post on Costa Rica, I made a full-throated confession regarding my coffee addiction.  Whenever I travel to Mexico, I love to indulge in their beautiful cappuccinos.  OK, over indulge.  So what could be better that a charming little coffee shop that is open twenty-four hours a day!  Which proves quite handy since, if you drink as many as I did, you won’t be bothered by that nasty habit of sleep anyway.

Well, I have once again exhausted my creative genius . . . not to mention most of my readers, so I will draw this latest literary contribution to a close with a fitting challenge.  Join me in my endeavor to visit every single Secrets Resort.   Of the sixteen, I have visited (not necessarily stayed overnight at) nine of the ten in Mexico and the two in Jamaica for a total of eleven.   But it you are going to achieve this goal, call me right away because a little bird tells me some new ones are about to sprout!

Costa Rica … Not To Mention Clima Rica, Cultura Rica And Café Rico

By some strange twist of fate, I have been to Australia nearly 20 times, the same for England and probably closer to 100 times to Mexico.   (Before you work yourself into a lather with overwrought envy, I will remind you that long ago I quite consciously traded treasure for travel, i.e. paltry money, powerful memories.  (See Memories Are Made Of This.)  Until this past week, however, I had never been to Costa Rica.  No doubt, were it not for my dear friends at Funjet Vacations, that would still be the case.  Thankfully, and to many of you shockingly I am sure, I was invited along with a hundred or so of my closest friends to spend a few magical days there.

Costa Rica translates into English as rich coast.  As my title suggest, however, the coast is far from the only aspect of Costa Rica that is opulent.   Just gaze upon this sunset for a moment.  I took this picture at the Pacifico Beach Club just before one of our evening dinners.  It looks even more magnificent with a rum and coke in one hand.  It became immediately apparent, even to someone as certifiably clueless as me, why this venue was selected!

Just so you don’t embarrass yourself by attempting to swim around it, Costa Rica is not an island.  It is a Central American country that, like the US has an eastern and western coast.  There are several distinct tourist areas including Guanacaste, Arenal, Monteverde, Tortuguero, Central Pacific and San Jose.  Our excellent destination management company, CATours (as in Central American Tours but pronounced Cat Tours) has an excellent site with good information about various options.

Clima Rica

One of the most alluring attractions of Costa Rica is the incredible diversity of flora and fauna.  I have no idea what flora and fauna is, I just like saying it.  (Good thing I had never heard of those terms when I was struggling to name my two daughters.)  Just kidding, I really do know that it means plant and wildlife . . . or is it wildlife and plants?   Anyway, let’s not get lost wandering around that little tropical rain forest.

As one of my devoted readers, you must know by know I am an avid golfer.   Even so, this was my first experience trying to putt out with mantled howler monkeys lounging on the branches above me.  And in case you are wondering, they do howl . . . especially on your backswing.  This particular species apparently has a rather fiendish sense of humor.  According to a website called The Real Costa Rica, “Though Costa Rica covers only 0.03% of the surface of the earth, Costa Rica has approximately almost 6% of the world’s bio diversity.”    Click on the link above to read about Costa Rica’s 12 different climatic zones.

Cultura Rica

Guanacaste is not nearly so developed as many other resort destinations.  As an example, the ride from our hotel, the Riu Palace, to the Reserva Conchal Golf Course at the Westin Resort and Spa was an hour and twenty-minute ride over winding, narrow roads.  However, I was not in the least off put by that fact.  As an avid golfer, I would have walked that far to play another beautiful golf course (provided I had a caddie, of course).

More importantly, I viewed it as an opportunity to see the countryside.   OK, a lot of countryside.  Being my first trip, the last thing I wanted to do was spend the entire time at the resort, nice though it was. 

We were able to see lots of representative homes,  schools and stores, etc.  When we completed the round (the course record is still intact for those of you snarky enough to bring up my score), we had the option of heading directly back or visiting a little village called Tamarindo.  Forunately the driver had the good sense not to tell us it was in the opposite direction from our resort.

I would say Tamarindo is best described as a bohemian enclave populated by lost souls from the four corners of the world in search of inner serenity either through contemplation or puffing on various hand rolled medicinal fibers.  There are dive shops offering surfing lessons and, for the less adventurous, cafes with frothy cappuccinos and yummy flavors of ice cream.  I thought the Monkey ‘n Croc, pictured above, captured the ambiance nicely, even if by Tamarindo standards it is no doubt considered a bit haughty and pretentious.

Café Rico

Speaking of coffee, if you drink it by the barrel as I am prone to do (Starbucks should be sending me my stock certificates any day) the coffee is worth the price of the trip alone.  The reputation Costa Rica has for their coffee is, to say the least, well deserved.  My only complaint is that the word coffee should be feminine in Spanish, making the parallelism in my title ever so much more tidy!

One thing the Riu Palace resorts all seem to do well is put on a party.  For the closing event they transformed the Papagaya Steakhouse into a Costa Rican rain forest.  You wouldn’t believe the size of the butterflies in Costa Rica by the way!  Below are a couple of more pictures to give you a sense of the beauty of the property.

  

On my aforementioned coach ride to the golf course, we passed a small fenced-in school yard and I could not help but notice the handwritten sign, “Orgulloso de Ser Guanacastecos” . . . proud to be from Guanacaste.   Having now traveled to Costa Rica, I have no difficulty understanding that sentiment perfectly.  I would be “orgulloso” too!

Liberation At Sea

There is something about the routine of daily life that is both reassuring and suffocating at the same time. Even more than most, I live my life at home traversing a very intentional and well-worn rut. I work out on the same three days of the week, on certain days of the week I carry out food from the same familiar places (Thursdays are soup night, don‘t you know?), etc. The upside of having a routine is that this mindless pattern saves a lot of wear and tear on the little gray cells. On the downside, however, life lived in this fashion can slowly and silently suck your bones dry of the marrow of inspiration and spontaneity.

When people ahead of you in the grocery store line start to become irritating, double-wide barriers between you and the checkout counter and when smiling starts to require way more energy than you are willing to expend, perhaps the time has come to book your next cruise (from one of our expert agents, of course) on the Liberty of the Seas. As I write these words, I am sitting in Liberty’s Café Promenade sipping a cappuccino and reflecting on seven ways in seven days to become liberated on a Royal Caribbean cruise.

Liberated To Eat Like A Gourmand

When it comes to food and vacation, rationalization is a beautiful thing.  You can devour everything that comes within an arm’s reach and tell yourself it doesn’t really count, you are on vacation after all.  The great thing about cruising with Royal Caribbean is that the quantity, although voluminous, is somehow surpassed by the quality.

Here is a very important tip for those contemplating sailing on the Liberty of the Seas.  Belly up to the bar . . . a rather apt figure of speech . . .  and buy the three dinner specialty restaurant package in advance.  It will save you a little money but, more importantly, getting to dine at Giovanni’s Table, Chops Grille and Sabor Modern Mexican will, I promise you, be the highlight of your cruise.

 

The up charge is modest, the food is divine, the service impeccable and the ambience intimate and inviting.  I loved all three but I suppose if I had to choose a favorite it would be Sabor.  This comes from someone who is not a raving fan of Tex-Mex (heresy for a Texan, I know).  But Sabor offers is authentic modern Mexican cuisine.  They make the guacamole tableside as well as the margaritas!  Nadia Guevara, the manager, is a true delight (pictured above with my bride) and above, as well, you can see Cocoa making one mean margarita.

Liberated To Imbibe Like A Connoisseur

When it comes to adult beverages, the great thing is you don’t even need to  rationalize!  Here is another little tip.  When you first get on the ship, you can purchase a wine package with several bottles of wine.  If you don’t finish one, you can have the remainder brought to you the next evening, regardless of where you are dining.  If you don’t consume all the wine during the trip, as we didn’t, you can bring the rest home with you.

One evening at dinner, as we were about to order our wine (you get to choose from a list of about 15 wines), the head waiter, Lucian, told is it was not necessary.  He said someone had provided a bottle for us.  He then raved about the quality of the wine, a 2013 Caymus Cabernet Sauvignon pictured here.  We can confirm his estimation as we consumed the entire bottle over a long and lingering dinner!  So here is a special shout out to the benefactress whose name I will not mention both for fear of offending her modesty and also being accused of brazen name dropping.  Thank you for your gracious contribution to a wonderful evening.

Liberated To Indulge In Shameless Pampering

We rewarded ourselves for our numerous visits to the fitness center with a visit to the spa.  Let’s just say it is not exactly every day I am the recipient of a Swedish back message, energizing foot and ankle massage, relaxing scalp massage and a Men‘s Skin IQ MiniFacial.  I was very disappointed, though not completely surprised, to discover that my skin has a higher IQ than my brain!

The pampering extended to the way Kevin, our cabin steward, attended to our every whim.  (I am pretty sure we exceed our whim allotment the first couple of days.)  From tracking down a lost suitcase, to brightening our day with his towel art and much more, Kevin embodied the rock star treatment one unfailingly gets on a Royal Caribbean ship.

Liberated To Explore Like A Latter Day Columbus

Our cruise called at Cozumel, Georgetown, Grand Cayman and Falmouth, Jamaica. Among the score of offerings at each port of call, Royal Caribbean singles out these three for special recommendation:

• Cozumel – Explore the ruins of the ancient Mayan city of Tulúm, majestically perched above the turquoise Caribbean.
  
• Grand Cayman – Experience a once-in-a-lifetime adventure: snorkeling with stingrays at Stingray City Sandbar. These relatively tame creatures will swim right into your arms as they glide around you.
• Jamaica – One of Jamaica’s leading natural attractions, Dunn’s River Falls are terraced, giant limestone stairs, measuring about 180 feet tall and 600 feet long and plunging into the sea.

I would tell you all about these wonderful excursions were it not for the fact that we never ventured out of the fantastic dockside shopping areas each port offered.  From the picture above, you might say the one in Falmouth, Jamaica was conveniently situated!

Liberated To Shop Like Paris Hilton

Speaking of shopping, I was particular impressed with the incredible village in Falmouth, Jamaica with the bamboo stores and rum shops.  OK, we may have whiled away a couple of hours in this cute little rum shack.

You can purchase all manner of items in these shops.  You would be completely off base if you are picturing a Bahamas “Straw Market”.   In these shops, you can find diamonds, colored gemstones, jewelry, watches, gold, sterling silver, and even Oriental rugs.

Among my favorite places  were the bamboo stores where everything sold was made of bamboo.  They sell sheets that are softer than Egyptian cotton.  You can find shops offering everything from handicrafts to designer stores such as “C2K, Caribbean Hook, Honora, House of Tanzanite, John Hardy, Kabana, La Nouvelle Bague, Starnight, White Diamonds, Cartier, Concord, Maurice Lacroix, Michele, Movado and more”.

Liberated To Learn Like A Rhodes Scholar

You literally would not believe how many learning opportunities there are on board if you want to expand your horizons to match your growing waistline.  We both attended a cooking . . . and tasting . . . demonstration put on by Sabor where they demonstrated how to make some of their signature appetizers.   I did not join in on the cupcake decorating class, however, knowing my limitations full well.  Sampling is one thing, squeezing icing something else all together.

I was never able to work in the “Puffy eyes and dark circles” seminar.  Honestly, the whole subject sounded a little depressing anyway.   I wasn’t sure I wanted to surround myself with a room full of folks who felt a pressing need for that information!

 

Liberated To Transform Former Strangers Into Fast Friends

When we are at home, we seldom approach strangers and when we do, they usually assume we want to sell them something. OK, by way of full disclosure, in my case that is usually true. I tend to place people into two important categories: potential cruisers or possible land tourists. Non-travelers are, truth to say, passing blips on the radar screen.

When you are on a cruise, total strangers have a way of becoming Facebook friends on the elevator somewhere between deck five and eleven. You find yourself asking the couple at the next table at dinner where they are from and, no matter what answer they give, it triggers some long suppressed genius for free association. You will immediately discover what seems (for the moment at least) like a providential connection fated by a mysterious higher power.

Isn’t the time long overdue for you to discover you own seven ways in seven days to liberation?  In spite of the length of this post (my apologies), I have only scratched the surface.  To experience all this for yourself, trade in your frustration at home for liberation at sea.

Royal Caribbean’s Royal Suite Class: Best, Bester, Bestest

My abject apology to English grammarians around the world (or better yet, across the seas) for trampling upon their sacrosanct rules governing comparatives and superlatives.  I was an English major myself so, for what it’s worth, my sin . . . while no doubt mortal in their eyes . . . was at least not committed unconsciously.  The reason for the title is simply that the time-worn phrase “Good, Better, Best” just doesn’t cut the mustard in this instance.  Shall I explain?  Indeed, I shall.

Royal Caribbean International next May will launch a newly enhanced luxury at sea program called the “Royal Suite Class”.  This program offers three levels of delicious self-indulgence.  Picture yourself standing on the spacious balcony of one of these suites as I was just a few days ago on the Anthem of the Seas.  Your gaze quite naturally falls first upon the glistening sea below, then rises to the brilliant sky above and finally, as twilight falls, to the luminous panoply of stars beyond.  Thus, the names of the three tiers almost begged from the beginning to be known as Sea Class, Sky Class and Star Class.  See how easy this all is when you have moi to guide you by the hand!

THE BEST:  SEA CLASS

Something all three classes have in common is access to the Coastal Kitchen, a dining option exclusively for suite guests and Pinnacle members.  Think a fusion of Mediterranean coastline and California farmland.  They pretty much had me when I read about ” . . . Med-inspired tastes like Serrano ham, whipped goat cheese and roasted grapes.”  Granted “whipped” and “roasted” sounds a little violent from the food’s point of view but I am pretty sure you will enjoy the results!

This particular class has one category perfect for families.   On the Quantum Class of ships, the Family Connected Junior Suite provides the greatest number of guests in connecting rooms of any suite configuration.  It provides space for up to 10 guests!

I am desperately trying to picture nine other friends,  relatives or even passing acquaintances willing to share that level of intimacy with me and so far I am drawing a blank.  If you find yourself both wealthier and more popular than your humble scribe (not a high bar), you will just have to move up to the Star Class on one of the Oasis class ships where the Four Bedroom Family Suite sleeps fourteen!

All three classes of suites afford access to two other fantastic features.  The first is the suite lounge where you will enjoy 24-hour access to this intimate setting which offers complimentary breakfast and evening drinks.  Secondly, you can recline in the comfort of a plush lounge chair and bask under the Caribbean sun in a private Sun Deck reserved just for you . . . well, you and a handful of other discriminating suite guests.

EVEN BESTER:  SKY CLASS

This year has been a pretty good year for you, all things considered.  Are you ready to take it up a notch?  If you have ever stayed in a five-star hotel, you know the value of a great concierge.  When you book this class, your exclusive concierge will assist you in booking priority reservations and theater seats.

Take a look at all the suite benefits and concierge services that are at your disposal.  You haven’t been pampered like this since you first learned as an infant to scream your head off in the middle of the night sending your parents scurrying about like the fire alarm just went off.

ABSOLUTE BESTEST:  STAR CLASS

If you book the Star Class, you receive  all the amenities listed in the chart above PLUS unlimited beverage package, complimentary specialty restaurants, in-suite hand crafted cocktail service, complimentary minibar, Nespresso coffee maker service, complimentary fitness class, complimentary in-suite movies, daily gratuities included, Duxiana mattress, and Frette linens, towels and robes.

 

With all those inclusions, I have saved the bestest for lastest.  For the Star Class guests, Royal Caribbean is introducing something called the Royal Genie Service.   The concept is not just to attend to your every need and desire (legal and moral, let me qualify) but to actually anticipate them.  The rumor is that these future genies are being trained even as we speak at the London School of Mental Telepathy.

To summarize, the Royal Suite program will be available on two classes of ships:  the Oasis Class and the Quantum Class.  There are three tiers of suites:  Sea Class, Sky Class and Star Class.  Finally there are sixteen different categories of suites such as Royal Lofts and Owner’s Suite.

I beg you, don’t try to sort this out all on your own.  You will only bruise your precious little gray cells.  Instead, reach our to one of our Royal Caribbean experts.  Why not let your Royal Genie service begin with the booking process?