I promised in my last post that, unlike last time, I would actually relate my comments to the subject suggested by my title. How very novel! You will recall, unless you were very naughty and did not read my previous post (need I remind you Santa takes note of such grievous transgressions this time of year), I mentioned there are now, or to be precise will be two days from now, an even dozen Secrets resorts. Having personally sampled a few, I can only say, “May their tribe increase!”
They range in location from various beach destinations around Mexico, to Jamaica, to the Dominican Republic. Each has a unique name and a flavor to match. Someone at AMResorts, the parent company, has my admiration for conjuring up such names as Silversands, St. James, Wild Orchid, Marquis, Aura and our subject today, The Vine. To be blunt, there are quite enough hotels in Mexico in the Grand Royal Imperial Sun Palace Beach Oasis Resorts & Spas genre, thank you very much.
So what do you suppose is the unique theme of Secrets The Vine? Need a hint? It rhymes with vine and can be divine. Need a little more time to call your lifeline? I hope I have not been casting my pearls before swine. Still don’t have it? OK, OK, it’s wine. Come on folks, try to keep up now!
Just remember, at Secrets The Vine it’s all about the wine. How so? Let me count the ways:
1) The Enoteca
Be honest, you don’t have a clue what I am talking about, do you? Don’t worry, even a Kung Fu black belt master of the English language like your humble servant had to look that one up. An “enoteca” is a wine repository. The lobby features a wine wall with 3000 bottles of wine callously sealed beyond reach behind thick glass. (You pack a few beach towels and a couple of dozen toiletry items in your suitcase and suddenly your reputation is in tatters. So unfair.)
2) The Vine Bar
I find this particularly cool (which is what we used to call things we liked back in the day). The resort has created an area called The Vine Bar which is a designated wine tasting area for guests. Here you can enjoy sommelier-led wine tastings and pairings for the most discriminating palate. I happen to think discrimination is a terrible thing so I personally guzzle, I mean sip, pretty much any wine within my boarding house reach. But then I am assuming you haven’t seared your tender taste buds with a lifetime of stuffed jalapenos garnished with Habanero sauce as I have and can tell the difference between a vintage wine and kerosene . Take notice of the handcrafted wood table that seats up to 14 guests. Very classy!
3) The Vine Gourmet Experience
Here is where we separate the pretenders from the pretentious! For a mere $285 per person you can have the ultimate Vine Gourmet Experience. You can click here for a complete listing of all the inclusions but it does encompass truffles, tequila and a chef’s apron to take home to name a few items. Let’s just say if you aren’t feeling vastly superior to the great unwashed masses back home after this experience you don’t know jack squat about “snooty”. I’m feeling suddenly sophisticated and all I did was read over the list of inclusions.
I was going to limit this overview to only two posts but I realize there are even more amazing features I have yet to cover. Therefore, in the interest of promoting worldwide democracy, I will let you, the people, decide. Just register your vote in the poll below. I know this will feel a little strange for you folks in Chicago, New Jersey and Louisiana but please try to vote just once.